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Short Jokes

January 15th, 2010

1. When your life is in darkness… …
Pray 2 God and ask Him 2 free u from darkness… .. and
If u r still in darkness..Please pay your Electric bill…

2. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife,
You can be sure of one thing;
Either the car is new or the wife.

3. An angry china man entered a shop and shouted :
Where’s my free gift with this cooking oil?
Shopkeeper : What free gift??
China man : Oi, here got put “Cholesterol FREE!”

4. If u need ADVICE, SMS ME,
If u need DARLING, CALL ME,
If u need HELP, E-MAIL ME,
IF U NEED MONEY, the Number you have dial is not in service…

5. A man was on his death bed. His wife was stroking his hand lovingly and speaking gentle words to him for the last time.
“I gotta tell you something honey” said the man very weakly.
“No sweetie, it’s all right, relax” replied the woman.
The man took a deep breath and said, “I have to say that I cheated on you with your sister, your mother and your aunt!!”
The wife cooed, “Sssshhhh, I know, just relax and let the poison do its job.”

6. The sign on the first bull’s stall states: “This bull mated 50 times last year.”
The wife turns to her husband and says, “He mated 50 times in a year, isn’t that nice!.”
They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated: “This bull mated 65 times last year.”
The wife turns to her husband and says, “This one mated 65 times last year. That is over 5 times a month. You could learn from this one!”
They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: “This bull mated 365 times last year.” The wife’s mouth drops open and says, “WOW! He mated 365 times last year. That is ONCE A DAY!!! You could really learn from this one.”
The fed up man turns to his wife and says, “Go up and inquire if it was 365 times with the same cow.”

7.
Q: What is the similarity between men and rats?
A: Both keep searching for new holes.
Q: What is the closest thing similar to a woman’s period?
A: Your salary, it comes once a month lasts about 5- days and if it
doesn’t come, it means you are in big trouble.
Q: What’s the difference between biology and sociology?
A: When the baby looks like his dad or mom, then it is biology. When the
baby looks like the neighbor, then it is sociology.
Q: What’s the height of recycling?
A: Sending a sanitary napkin for dry cleaning.
Q: Doctor: You look so weak & exhausted. Are you having 3 meals a day as
I have advised?
A: Lady: Doctor, I thought you said 3 males a day.
Q: Girl friend & boy friend go for a movie. In the dark, a mosquito
enters the girl’s skirt. Guess where it would have bitten?!!!!! !!!!!!!
A: The boy friend’s hand.
Q: Tarzan and the animals went to the river to take a bath. Tarzan
removed his clothes. All the animals laughed. Tarzan asked “Why”?
A: The animals told him. Your tail is in front”.


8. THE MALAYSIAN DILEMMA

The tale goes like that;

Get Vietnamese workers, dogs missing.

Get Bangladeshi workers, Malay girls missing.

Get Indonesian workers, money missing.

Get Indian workers, jewelery missing.

Get Chinese workers, husbands missing.
.
9. Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their kids overnight. When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son’s medicine cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills. The son said, “I don’t think you should take one Dad; they’re very strong and very expensive.”
“How much?” asked Grandpa.
“$10 a pill,” answered the son.
“I don’t care,” said Grandpa, “I’d still like to try one, and before we leave in the morning, I’ll put the money under the pillow.”
Later the next morning, the son found $110 under the pillow. He called Grandpa and said, “I told you each pill was $10 and not $110.

“I know,” said Grandpa. “The hundred is from Grandma!” 

 

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